Have calmer, happier and easier mealtimes. Try the First Plate approach for yourself and then share your experiences!
http://www.calmerparenting.com/mealtimeLandingPage.html
Friday, July 8, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Say WHAT?!?!
Having almost twenty years experience working with children and adolescents, there is one common thread that always emerges amongst them. No matter how shiny the halo, they will all dip their toe in this pool. It's the ever dreaded sassy mouth syndrome, the short person's ability to scrape their nails straight down their parent's chalk board.
One of the most important things to remember when facing a child that is experimenting with pushing your buttons by using sarcasm, is that the behavior needs power to continue. Therefore, do not give it more power. If you are faced with a sarcastic remark from your child turn to them and say, "Please don't speak to me that way. I don't like it." And then leave the room. When you leave the room you take the power of the situation with you. There is no one there for them to continue to taunt.
With older children you could try putting them on the spot by responding with a question such as, "Why do you use sarcasm when I ask you about ___________?" If they deny being smart with you, remember to take the power back and simply say, "Alright. Let's refocus on what we were doing. And please remember, I do not like it when you use speak sarcastically." And move on. Do not rehash it no matter how tempting it may be and how frustrated you are. Remove the fuel from the fire and move on.
If you feel that your child is going beyond simple sarcasm and could possibly be crossing over into verbally abusive behavior, please contact a professional for help. Behavior that is harmful to themselves or someone else is best dealt with by a professional. There are many Christian counselors out there that are trained to help families deal with this issue. If you are unsure if the behavior is abusive, do some research. I've posted a link for an article below that could help define the boundaries.
http://www.empoweringparents.com/Child-Verbal-Abuse-and-Threats.php?&key=Abusive-And-Violent-Behavior
http://www.empoweringparents.com/Child-Verbal-Abuse-and-Threats.php?&key=Abusive-And-Violent-Behavior
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Strong Marriage, Secure Kids
This is a wonderful article from Joyce Meyer's Ministries magazine expressing the importance the actions and role of parents play on the foundation of the child's sense of security.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Augh! Stop Talking!
How grand life would be if I came with a pause button. If I could run my thoughts like a DVR it would be smooth sailing for this ferry over troubled waters. It's taken me quite some time to realize that I was the one stirring the waters.
Over the next few days, my posts will carry the same theme. Staying quiet, mentally and literally. "In my humble opinion" there is no one that can shoot straighter on this topic other than Joyce Meyers. This post contains a brief synopsis from her teachings on the subject of STRIFE. What a nasty little word that I have slow danced with on a daily basis.
Life Without Strife: How God Can Heal and Restore Broken Relationships
Description of Life Without Strife:
Information on Life Without Strife from the publisher:
About Joyce Meyer:
Description of Joyce Meyer, author of Life Without Strife:
Over the next few days, my posts will carry the same theme. Staying quiet, mentally and literally. "In my humble opinion" there is no one that can shoot straighter on this topic other than Joyce Meyers. This post contains a brief synopsis from her teachings on the subject of STRIFE. What a nasty little word that I have slow danced with on a daily basis.
Life Without Strife: How God Can Heal and Restore Broken Relationships
- Author: Joyce Meyer
- Length: 213
- Edition: Paperback
- Publisher: Charisma House; Revised edition
Description of Life Without Strife:
Today, the spirit of strife and contention is destroying churches, marriages and families, friendships and relationships with God. Bible teacher, Joyce Meyer, holds out the possibility of Life Without Strife by heeding biblical instruction. Strife does not have to destroy your life! The Bible contains wonderful promises of God for peace and harmony. In this book, you will discover: Why strife destroys churches How to disagree agreeably The answer to strife between parents and children How strife affects the anointing How to forgive quickly in difficult situations How spiritual power is released through unity and harmony Now you can use the interactive study questions at the end of each chapter to learn to apply these principles to your own life---and share your journey through group studies as you learn together.
Information on Life Without Strife from the publisher:
Today the spirit of strife and contention is destroying churches, marriages and families, friendships and relationships with God. Bible teacher Joyce Meyer holds out the possibility of Life Without Strife by heeding biblical instruction.
About Joyce Meyer:
Joyce Meyer is an internationally recognized minister and author of thirty-seven books, including best-sellers, "Beauty for Ashes," and the "Battlefield of the Mind." Joyce is the founder of Life in the Word, Inc. and she broadcasts "Life in the Word" radio and television programs on hundreds of stations worldwide.
Description of Joyce Meyer, author of Life Without Strife:
Has Satan stolen the peace of God in your life? Do you have troubled, broken relationships with those around you? Strife does not have to destroy your life. The Bible contains wonderful promises of God for peace and harmony. In this book you will discover why strife destroys churches, how to disagree agreeably, the answer to strife between parents and children, how strife affects the anointing, how to forgive quickly in difficult situations, and how spiritual power is released through unity and harmony. Now you can use the interactive study questions at the end of each chapter to learn to apply these principles to your own life--and share your journey through group studies as you learn together.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Uh....Duh! Because God said so!
Joel Osteen Ministries:
"For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases Him." (Philippians 2:13)
Amen to that! When you feel those stirrings in your being that cause you to feel excited, not just excited, but compelled to act on a certain thing, that is God. That is God pointing you in the direction of your purpose. Almost a year ago I sat in bed one night after coming home from a church gathering and inherently knew that my life was going to be drastically different. I didn't know how. I didn't know when. I just...knew. At that moment a very clear vision of myself in the future was shown to me that night, and then later hidden away in the back of my mind, so well hidden that I forgot it was there.
The next morning I went on with life as usual putting the previous nights thoughts away. It wasn't until last week that I nearly hit my knees in realization of just EXACTLY what God had been doing for me over the past ten months and I just never realized it. How OBLIVIOUS of me not to see what was so OBVIOUS!
A few weeks after that night I got it into my head (again) that I wanted to change physically. I began a portion control program and making healthy food choices,again. I longed for an exercise program that would excite me. Shortly after that, a dear friend invited me to try her Zumba DVDs with her. I was hooked. As a former dancer, this was the answer I had been looking for to get in shape. Ten months later, (yes! TEN months and many many many pounds lost later) I am still hooked on the natural high and youthful feeling the classes give me.
Changes in my personal life began to take shape, at times painfully so. I began to center my life around positive people that wanted to live for Christ and had a true desire to know him. It was after ten o'clock one night in Walmart when I found myself loaded with Christian books written to guide people towards positive parenting, healthy living and living a life of joy. I spent entirely too much money that night on books, but there was mysteriously not a sting of guilt from this penny pincher for the indulgence. I needed, had to have, must have those books right at that moment and guarded my buggy just daring someone to take them.
And finally, the last major change happened just three short weeks ago. I woke up one morning and just knew in the deepest crevices of my soul that I needed to leave my job. It was time. The time had come for me to open my practice. So three hours later, I was unemployed, but calm and unafraid. And even at that point....yes....even then....I still did not get it.
It wasn't until the other day that it hit me, and I mean, hit me like a bolt of lighting between the eyes. The very clear vision that was put in my mind almost a year ago reappeared. And I just couldn't believe it. Every single change that had been made over the past months, were changes leading me to fulfill that vision.
And now, I believe with every cell in my being, that is where God wants me. And that is where God needs me. Therefore, that is EXACTLY where God is going to put me.
How does this effect you as a client? Simple. It is now my job to glorify God through this fulfillment by praying before any meeting with a client and offering to share a time of prayer with the client. I am not a pastoral counselor, but I am a therapist that is here because....well....God said so.
"For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases Him." (Philippians 2:13)
Amen to that! When you feel those stirrings in your being that cause you to feel excited, not just excited, but compelled to act on a certain thing, that is God. That is God pointing you in the direction of your purpose. Almost a year ago I sat in bed one night after coming home from a church gathering and inherently knew that my life was going to be drastically different. I didn't know how. I didn't know when. I just...knew. At that moment a very clear vision of myself in the future was shown to me that night, and then later hidden away in the back of my mind, so well hidden that I forgot it was there.
The next morning I went on with life as usual putting the previous nights thoughts away. It wasn't until last week that I nearly hit my knees in realization of just EXACTLY what God had been doing for me over the past ten months and I just never realized it. How OBLIVIOUS of me not to see what was so OBVIOUS!
A few weeks after that night I got it into my head (again) that I wanted to change physically. I began a portion control program and making healthy food choices,again. I longed for an exercise program that would excite me. Shortly after that, a dear friend invited me to try her Zumba DVDs with her. I was hooked. As a former dancer, this was the answer I had been looking for to get in shape. Ten months later, (yes! TEN months and many many many pounds lost later) I am still hooked on the natural high and youthful feeling the classes give me.
Changes in my personal life began to take shape, at times painfully so. I began to center my life around positive people that wanted to live for Christ and had a true desire to know him. It was after ten o'clock one night in Walmart when I found myself loaded with Christian books written to guide people towards positive parenting, healthy living and living a life of joy. I spent entirely too much money that night on books, but there was mysteriously not a sting of guilt from this penny pincher for the indulgence. I needed, had to have, must have those books right at that moment and guarded my buggy just daring someone to take them.
And finally, the last major change happened just three short weeks ago. I woke up one morning and just knew in the deepest crevices of my soul that I needed to leave my job. It was time. The time had come for me to open my practice. So three hours later, I was unemployed, but calm and unafraid. And even at that point....yes....even then....I still did not get it.
It wasn't until the other day that it hit me, and I mean, hit me like a bolt of lighting between the eyes. The very clear vision that was put in my mind almost a year ago reappeared. And I just couldn't believe it. Every single change that had been made over the past months, were changes leading me to fulfill that vision.
And now, I believe with every cell in my being, that is where God wants me. And that is where God needs me. Therefore, that is EXACTLY where God is going to put me.
How does this effect you as a client? Simple. It is now my job to glorify God through this fulfillment by praying before any meeting with a client and offering to share a time of prayer with the client. I am not a pastoral counselor, but I am a therapist that is here because....well....God said so.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Taking cookies from a skinny girl....
Before I even begin this, let me just say that I have no desire to offend anyone. If you read closely, you will see that the person I am poking the most is myself.
I drove home this evening causing even myself disgust. I had just spent the last hour moving my aging body in directions that it lost the map to several years ago. I was dripping with sweat and causing even my adoring one boy fan club to scurry quickly away. But through the fog of my own cloud, I could see more clearly the image of myself. We all have that image. The one we see on the inside, that doesn't match the one on the outside. And there she was, looking more youthful and feeling more fulfilled.
I can't wait for the day that the two images are identical and the disappointing "aw" isn't resounding out of me first thing in the morning. I can't count the times that I have scurried past a mirror or window without a care in the world, and then I catch my reflection. It's at that point I find myself asking, who is that? Because...uh....THAT is NOT me. But, alas, it is. Then you pick up your pride and enter into your adult world of work and play. It is there that you run into "her".
She is the perpetual skinny girl with all the advice in the world regarding how you should better handle your body. The one that stands over you at lunch smacking on her cookie while reminding you "It's a temple you know." Uh...yeah...I know. The not so nice side of you wants to take that cookie and....well, I can't exactly finish that thought. Taking dieting advice from a skinny girl with no history of weight issues is not only self-defeating, it's down right tasking to the nerves.
Just as taking advice from a Christian that doesn't walk in the word........well. You follow? I know I do. God has put this on my heart more and more as I draw closer to opening my office doors. If we are going to offer the advice, we need to walk the walk and not stand over our friends and family smacking on that cookie. I believe that when we drop the cookie, our image of ourselves and the image God has of us will merge. Therefore, making the trip past the mirror in the morning a pleasant awakening.
I drove home this evening causing even myself disgust. I had just spent the last hour moving my aging body in directions that it lost the map to several years ago. I was dripping with sweat and causing even my adoring one boy fan club to scurry quickly away. But through the fog of my own cloud, I could see more clearly the image of myself. We all have that image. The one we see on the inside, that doesn't match the one on the outside. And there she was, looking more youthful and feeling more fulfilled.
I can't wait for the day that the two images are identical and the disappointing "aw" isn't resounding out of me first thing in the morning. I can't count the times that I have scurried past a mirror or window without a care in the world, and then I catch my reflection. It's at that point I find myself asking, who is that? Because...uh....THAT is NOT me. But, alas, it is. Then you pick up your pride and enter into your adult world of work and play. It is there that you run into "her".
She is the perpetual skinny girl with all the advice in the world regarding how you should better handle your body. The one that stands over you at lunch smacking on her cookie while reminding you "It's a temple you know." Uh...yeah...I know. The not so nice side of you wants to take that cookie and....well, I can't exactly finish that thought. Taking dieting advice from a skinny girl with no history of weight issues is not only self-defeating, it's down right tasking to the nerves.
Just as taking advice from a Christian that doesn't walk in the word........well. You follow? I know I do. God has put this on my heart more and more as I draw closer to opening my office doors. If we are going to offer the advice, we need to walk the walk and not stand over our friends and family smacking on that cookie. I believe that when we drop the cookie, our image of ourselves and the image God has of us will merge. Therefore, making the trip past the mirror in the morning a pleasant awakening.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Frogs in his pockets and love in his heart.....
I never had the slightest inkling what I was in for when it came to raising a son. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't find myself with my head thrown back in laughter. Sometimes the laughter was to keep from crumbling in a defeated pile on the floor and crying.
There are many examples, but one special moment comes to mind. It frames the opposing images of rearing a son just perfectly. There is nothing more that our son loves to do than to "fix it". Last summer in an attempt to thwart the boredom that accompanies a summer without his new found school chums, I gave my soon to be kindergartner a few of Daddy's harmless tools and tool belt to wear and played along at his request. He politely asked me in his best handyman tone if there were any "fixins that needed doing". I explained that I had noticed a leak in the kitchen sink that he could possibly help me with. Off he went to conquer the world of "fixins". After a short time, he returned to let me know that it had been handled and I owed him ten fifty hundred dollars for the job.
Awwww...how cute I thought and tousled his hair. That evening I began to wash dishes and felt warm water pour in a steady stream onto my feet. With reluctance I peered into cabinet beneath the sink and there lay every piece of pipe neatly placed side by side at the base of the cabinet. Oh, my handy man had fixed it alright! I then spent the next two hours rebuilding our sink.
I wanted nothing more than to speak to Dr. Dobson himself at that very moment and plead with him to refresh my memory on his eloquently stated parenting advice found in his book, Parenting Isn't for Cowards. Boy, could he have not picked a better title for that book or what. Boys are a unique gift that should come with their own separate set of instructions.
There isn't anyone that can express that better than Dr. Dobson himself. Below you will find a link to an excerpt from his book, Bringing Up Boys. I highly recommend that if you find yourself hearing the words, "Congratulations! It's a boy." You swaddle that baby in a hospital blanket and crack open that book. You're going to need it.
http://www2.focusonthefamily.com/docstudy/bookshelf/a000000388.cfm#
There are many examples, but one special moment comes to mind. It frames the opposing images of rearing a son just perfectly. There is nothing more that our son loves to do than to "fix it". Last summer in an attempt to thwart the boredom that accompanies a summer without his new found school chums, I gave my soon to be kindergartner a few of Daddy's harmless tools and tool belt to wear and played along at his request. He politely asked me in his best handyman tone if there were any "fixins that needed doing". I explained that I had noticed a leak in the kitchen sink that he could possibly help me with. Off he went to conquer the world of "fixins". After a short time, he returned to let me know that it had been handled and I owed him ten fifty hundred dollars for the job.
Awwww...how cute I thought and tousled his hair. That evening I began to wash dishes and felt warm water pour in a steady stream onto my feet. With reluctance I peered into cabinet beneath the sink and there lay every piece of pipe neatly placed side by side at the base of the cabinet. Oh, my handy man had fixed it alright! I then spent the next two hours rebuilding our sink.
I wanted nothing more than to speak to Dr. Dobson himself at that very moment and plead with him to refresh my memory on his eloquently stated parenting advice found in his book, Parenting Isn't for Cowards. Boy, could he have not picked a better title for that book or what. Boys are a unique gift that should come with their own separate set of instructions.
There isn't anyone that can express that better than Dr. Dobson himself. Below you will find a link to an excerpt from his book, Bringing Up Boys. I highly recommend that if you find yourself hearing the words, "Congratulations! It's a boy." You swaddle that baby in a hospital blanket and crack open that book. You're going to need it.
http://www2.focusonthefamily.com/docstudy/bookshelf/a000000388.cfm#
Saturday, June 4, 2011
You can't hide from "it"......
We all have it. You know what I'm talking about. We try to hide it. We make excuses for it. We even lie to our friends and family about it. Once it catches someone's eye, we will hurl ourselves in front of the onlookers gaze and frantically point in the opposite direction..."LOOK! Did you see that?" Guiding them by the arm we search the area for anything that could be a distraction from....it.
"It" is "the room". You know. The room that was once the guest room, the spare room, the craft room or the office. Yet now, it is known as the catch all room. It has become the Smithsonian of our after thoughts. Treasures that we feel will allow us to hang onto the past and future projects that we never got around to lurk behind the door of the room. I spent the day starting to carve away at our once seemingly unconquerable pile of things to be filed that we tossed in the "office". As I sat and sorted and tossed and shredded, I began to realize how much peace I was beginning to feel. The anxiety that would start to bubble at the base of my throat when I would pass the office door seemed to subside. I felt a sense of accomplishment and as if I was gaining a foothold on our personal business matters. In other words, I was feeling more in control and less at the mercy of the anxiety.
This caused me to reflect about how clients feel when they are able to declutter that "issue" that is causing anxiety in their lives. What a sense of peace must come over them when they are able to realize that the issue isn't impossible, but rather it is solveable. Cleaning the room out will not happen in a day, but it won't take a lifetime either. With a structured goal and a time frame, the office will be transformed into a peaceful sancutary. The same can be said for an identified issue. A treatment plan with realistic goals and a time frame can bring much sought after peace to a client.
"It" is "the room". You know. The room that was once the guest room, the spare room, the craft room or the office. Yet now, it is known as the catch all room. It has become the Smithsonian of our after thoughts. Treasures that we feel will allow us to hang onto the past and future projects that we never got around to lurk behind the door of the room. I spent the day starting to carve away at our once seemingly unconquerable pile of things to be filed that we tossed in the "office". As I sat and sorted and tossed and shredded, I began to realize how much peace I was beginning to feel. The anxiety that would start to bubble at the base of my throat when I would pass the office door seemed to subside. I felt a sense of accomplishment and as if I was gaining a foothold on our personal business matters. In other words, I was feeling more in control and less at the mercy of the anxiety.
This caused me to reflect about how clients feel when they are able to declutter that "issue" that is causing anxiety in their lives. What a sense of peace must come over them when they are able to realize that the issue isn't impossible, but rather it is solveable. Cleaning the room out will not happen in a day, but it won't take a lifetime either. With a structured goal and a time frame, the office will be transformed into a peaceful sancutary. The same can be said for an identified issue. A treatment plan with realistic goals and a time frame can bring much sought after peace to a client.
Hard at work....
Stay tuned for upcoming blogs. At the moment I am participating in a crash course in social networking your business. Sure wish I had Cliff Notes.....
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